


The Bull

by WolfenWings



Category: Beauty and the Beast - All Media Types, Disney - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Beauty and the Beast Elements, Disney References, Disney Songs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 15:21:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8718922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfenWings/pseuds/WolfenWings
Summary: The Iron Bull is having a bad day. The Inquisitor is going dragon hunting, and he is being left behind. Bull is depressed about this and the Chargers try to cheer him up a bit with a rousing song.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I do not claim to own Disney or Bioware, and they have full credit for characters and the song "Gaston" from Beauty and the beast. I modified it to better represent bull and his chargers. As you read imagine Iron Bull taking on the Role of Gaston in the famous tavern scene.

When you read this think of the song, Gaston, from Beauty and the Beast. The Iron Bull is having a bad day. The Inquisitor is going dragon hunting, and he is being left behind. Bull is depressed about this and the Chargers try to cheer him up a bit with a rousing song

Who does that Inquisitor think he is? That boy has tangled with the wrong man. No one says No! to The Iron “Fucking” Bull.

Hell Yeah!, exclaims Krem

Dismissed, rejected, publicly humiliated, it is more than I can bear, says Bull as he takes a swig of ale

More Beer?, asks Rocky

What for? Nothing helps. I am disgraced

Who you? Never!, replies Dalish

Bull, you have got to pull yourself together!, says Skinner

Grim, grunts in affirmation.

Bull turns his chair around to stare at the fireplace in the Tavern.

Krem begins to sing

Boss it disturbs me to see you this way  
looking so down in the face  
Everyone wants to be you today  
Even when hit by your mace.

Krem turns Bull's chair around, so he is facing everyone in the tavern.

There is no bull in town as admired as you  
Your everyone's favorite guy  
We are all awed and inspired by you  
And it is not very hard to see why.......... 

Bull is then surrounded by the buxom tavern wenches, who bring him another drink and more food. 

Dalish picks up the refrain

No one whacks like The Bull  
No one shacks like The Bull  
No ones weapon resoundingly smacks like the Bull  
For there's no other bull whose a winner  
Perfect a pure Paragon  
You can ask every Grim, Krem, or Skinner  
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on

“The Chargers” they all shout

Dalish continues 

No one scorns like the Bull  
Watches porn like the Bull  
No ones got a great set of horns like the Bull

Iron Bull stands up and joins the refrain, As a specimen, Yes, I am intimidating

The taven patrons sing, My what a guy, Iron Bull

Give six Huzzahs, says Skinner  
Give ten Hoorays, says Dalish  
The Bull is the best, and the rest just obey, says Rocky

Krem picks up the next verse

No one fights like the Bull  
No one bites like the Bull  
Spends incredibly long and loud nights like the Bull

The tavern girls chime in, For there is no bull as burly and brawny

Bull flexes his arms and adds, As you see I've got biceps to spare

Not a bit of him scraggly or scrawny, says Dalish

And every last inch of me is covered with hair, says Bull as he flexes his chest.

Stitches picks up the next verse

No one spies like The Bull  
Tells great lies like The Bull  
In strategy games no one is wise like The Bull

I am especially good at reading people, Bull sings

Three cheers for the Bull, as the tavern folks hold their mugs aloft

Bull continues the next verse

When I was a lad I drank 2 dozen ales  
Every morning to help me get strong  
And now that I am grown I drink 4 dozen ales  
So I have roughly the strength of a throng

Everyone cheers, as Bull seems to have been brought out of his melancholy  
Skinner chimes in with the final verse

No one loots like The Bull  
Beats up brutes like The Bull  
Goes stomping Fade demons wearing boots like the Bull

Bull adds, I use Dragons in all of my decorating

The Chargers finish, My what a guy, The Bull, and begin to chant “The Iron Bull, The Iron Bull, until the Inquisitor enters. Then everything goes quiet.

Um, Can I help you Boss?, asks Bull

Yes, grab your gear, Bull. It is time to go Dragon hunting, replies the Inquisitor.

HELL YES!!!!, yells Bull


End file.
